don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
