Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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