there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
