he wants to bone in the snuggie
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
