There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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