bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
