you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
