I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
