the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
