so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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