my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
