i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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