Don't make out with my wife yet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
