I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
