fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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