just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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