I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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