All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
