I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
