I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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