i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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