so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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