i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
