The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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