wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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