you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
