I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
3pm strippers are depressing
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
