Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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