he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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