i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she told me i tasted like america
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
