i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
