i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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