Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
