Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
