Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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