I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
