Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
