Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
