plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
