...so i touched it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where are my eyebrows?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
