Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
