first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
