just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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