i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
