All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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