There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
