wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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