Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He did a backflip because drugs
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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