And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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