you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Small penises have feelings too.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
